A few weeks ago I asked married people to answer some questions about their marriages. Their answers will explain the title of this blog.
The people who answered were split evenly by gender, half female and half male. They met each other in such places as school, youth group, work, through friends and family.
Of our group, the largest percent of them, over 50%, had been dating for one to three years before they got engaged. Only one daredevil got engaged after less than six months of dating.
They split up pretty evenly in length of marriage, with two notable exceptions. Only 10% of them have been married for 1-5 years. The other 90% are split between 6-10 years, 11-25 years and 25-50 years. However, none of them has been married for over 50 years. Not yet anyway.
Their proposals vary from in the car parked at the families driveway, after a trip to New York City, flat out saying, "I want to marry you", nothing special, at home, an Indian restaurant and Wal-Mart. Seriously? Wal-Mart?
My two favorite proposals were the lady who listened several times as her suitor asked her to marry him in words and in poems and then finally asked him! And the guy, who met his wife at a McDonald's, but proposed to her on the beach, with roses, champagne and his grandmother's ring. Now that's a guy who is going places!
What is the best thing about their marriage? Shared passions, children, laughter, unconditional love, trust, commitment, doing things together, being taken care of and having a best friend. One guy says his favorite thing is having a super hot person with whom he can snuggle.
What could they do better in their marriages? Pray, forgive, give marriage to God, be more gentle, more romantic, more understanding, more of a servant, help with finances, argue less, trust the future, pay more attention and better sex (this from a guy who uses sex as the answer to several questions).
What do they want their spouse to do better? Listen, be more patient, more affectionate, stand up for them, place them first, don't give them grief, serve them more, be more considerate, keep growing in God and communicate more.
Lastly, I asked the what the marriage of their dreams would look like. Half the group said, "I have the marriage of my dreams." This was also the group who said they could change and wanted their partner to change. One quarter of the group said, "I have the dream marriage, but..." The honest group (ahem) cited things like less money woes, they would be more united, less disagreements, financial stability and more shared activities. Oh yeah...and our favorite guy who wants more sex and more money. I'm beginning to feel bad for his wife.
My dear married people, thank you for your honesty and for your humor. As a single person, I have learned a lot from you. Mostly what not to do! My prayer for each of you is that you take steps every day to strengthen your marriage and always keep Christ at the center.
Love,
Bonnie
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